Malls, Jeans, and Curves

Soo...I finally decided to go get a few more pairs of jeans. This is partially humorous and depressing if you have talked to me lately about my clothes predicaments, but anyways that's besides the point. I went to the mall with one mission in mind: Two pairs of jeans and no more than 2 Capri's. While this mission seemed simple enough I had two battles to fight. First, the urge to look around/buy tops and other various cute things. I'm in the middle of sorting out clothes so I can give my wardrobe a makeover, but I have told myself to resist the spending until all clothes are sorted, washed, sold etc. Instead of spending, I simply tried on a few extra things and put them in the "cute, but I'll buy it later if it's still there" mind box. The second battle that came up was my mission itself....

Why did I ever think I could just go into the mall, find 2-4 pairs of pants and leave only and hour later with a feeling of pure optimism? HA! What really happened was a 3 hour long scavenger hunt that left me not only totally drained and depressed, but hungry as well...which of course meant a stop at fast food because cafe owners and their families don't have food in their fridges at home. It's all at the cafe... Which is a really excellent food choice for someone who just spent the last 3 hours of their existence trying to find a few pairs of jeans that fit her curvy figure.

Bleh. Bleh. Bleh. Bleh. Bleh.!!!

Now this is where I get serious. I wish I could say that I'm really laughing out loud about this last story that I told you...I mean I do have a knack for making my predicaments hilarious...but I'm not. Because deep down there's something so wrong with this story.
a) a girl who got depressed shopping :P..haha no but seriously
b) designers who mostly manufacture their clothing based upon super thin models or one female figure prototype
and c) a girl that left the mall feeling less desirable and unhappy with who God made her to be.

And really while I want to blame the manufacturers or someone else, all I really can blame it on is me honestly. I mean sure there are most certainly other people or things to blame it on hands down, but I chose to let it get the best of me. And don't us girls like to do that? Not intentionally of course, but we let shoes, clothes, accessories, makeup, hairstyles, glamour, fat rolls, large pores and other various things control the way we view ourselves. And it's sickening really. And those manufacturers and designers we like blame...well they feed off of it. *sigh* The truth really bites sometimes.

So I guess what I am really trying to say is, the next time you go out shopping, just go shopping for you. Meaning think about why you are buying what you are buying. Are you just pampering yourself or enhancing your inner beauty or are you just trying mask something or become someone your not? And don't forget that it's the inside that counts, because as time fades, outer beauty will to, but inner beauty is lasting and never fades. And that's where I want the main source of my beauty to come from.